Grace

Oh how I need the grace of God. How many times have I felt lost on this journey we've been on and have pleaded to be found. How often I have been afraid and needed the assurance of a Father who loves without bounds. I am weakened and yet strengthened by these trials and snares. I have learned the humbleness of being grateful for the help of others. It's so much easier to give than receive, but the Lord has needed to show me the complete circle, His circle. We are not meant to be alone during this journey of life. We all will go through thorny brambles and get our knees scraped. We will want to rejoice and shout with happiness, sit in a corner and hug our knees to our chest and cry. What wisdom God had in giving us journey angels. I am so grateful for the many angels that have lifted me up and succored me. I have looked into the eyes of my friends and seen such compassion and love, it has scored my heart. I know what it feels like to feel frustrated at not knowing what to do for someone and feeling helpless when they don't allow me to help. I am learning that part of receiving is allowing those we love to express that love back. It's so hard to be humble. We are trained to think we need to be supermoms, superwomen, tough: we can do it and look good at the same time. I am learning that we don't have all we need all the time and that's OK. We are all apart of a whole, whether it's a marriage, a family, a circle of friends, a ward, a church, a community, a world. We have what makes us unique and special, but we don't have all that is needed. We aren't good with everything, we don't have all talents, we don't have all wisdom, all ideas, all strengths. We need others in our lives to help us with those things we lack. We each take turns giving and receiving, holding and being held, saving and being saved, teaching and being taught. What a different light this sheds for me, one who is so afraid of intimacy and being loved. You girls who know my fearless path understand what a huge leap this is for me. Thank you for the journey you have walked with me. I needed you. Thank you to the dear friends that carry me. Thank you for thinking my load is worth it. Thank you family for loving me and sending me strength through prayers and supportive words. I can't believe how blessed I am. Thank you, my children, for teaching me so many pearls of wisdom. Thank you for loving and trusting me as your mother. Thank you Dad and Mom for teaching me the gospel principles I've needed to cling to get through difficult times. Thank you, dear Audra, for being my sister. You are the other side of my heart and I carry you always. You teach me so much. Thank you Leslie, for being the love of my life, being patient and tender as I learn how to become a better person. How I love you.

Oh how I need the grace of God and how grateful I am to have felt it.