Happy Birthday Les

Les turned 40 yesterday and I hope I helped him welcome the down hill ride he's now on with a bang. He and Mitchell spent the day in Pittsburgh at a Steelers game. They both had a blast and the Steelers won just for him. I so appreciate it when things just come together. Tonight I made a rich chocolate cake with a peanut butter mousse filling and rich fudge frosting for his cake. It has his name all over it!!

Well, I didn't get much feedback about my last post (Thank you Susan for your response!!), however, maybe I helped you think for a minute. These can just be my musings and you can respond if wanted. I've been thinking about what it means to just "Be". "Be in the present moment". I have found that I am naturally a "doer". I have lists of my lists and feel the need to constantly get things checked off and accomplish tasks. My mentor asked me a thought provoking question as we were discussing this. She asked me what I most wanted to be remember for; what I had done or who I was. That was a defining moment for me and started me on a more conscious choice of choosing to be instead of just doing. Being for me is about not worrying about the future or fearing what has been in the past and enjoying what is now. My senses are awakened in the now and I am making memories. I am not where I want to be with this, and yet I am farther than I used to be in being in the present, fully aware. That is what is meant by feeling alive to me. When we are overcome with fulfilling tasks and worrying about what was or what will be we are numbed to the blessings we have now, the small joys we can use to build up our wells of energy and happiness. Just a thought.

(This is one of my favorite Van Gogh paintings. I love the colors and the feeling I get when I look at it)

Freedom, Anyone?

First, I want to thank so many of you for wishing me a Happy Birthday. It was a wonderful day that spilled into the weekend. We have found this beautiful lake that is surrounded by evergreens and reminds me of home, The West!! We spent a wonderful Saturday there with the family.

I have decided to use this blog to support and me and to hopefully inspire some thought and comments from you. I've been working hard on my Fearless Living Coaching program. I'm now on Phase 2 and can have clients. I'm looking for people who are willing to be coached for free right now to support me in my schooling. I'm loving it!! Please contact me if you know someone or you are interested in being coached.

The subject I want to bring up is guilt. How many of us function each day with that curdled feeling in our stomach of guilt? Where does it come from? What expectations are we stuck on? How is it guilt serving us? What would happen if we let it go? What are we afraid of? When do we know it's enough? I have been working on this myself for the past 8 months. The guilt that I have to work outside the home, that my kids have to fend more for themselves. The guilt that I don't look like the "Mormon mom" anymore. The guilt that I haven't, or felt like I haven't, had the time to strengthen my relationships. It's amazing how many times we are snookered into expectations we have unconsciously set up and lay dormant until we are pushed out of our comfort zones. I've learned that when I'm in fear, I'm afraid to be gentle with myself, thinking I won't get enough done. What helps and supports me is the question: What do I most want to be remembered for; what I've done or who I am? Also asking the question to myself "Is that true?" We're very good at hallucinating!! The last tool I'd like to share with you is helping me make conscious choices. "If I say yes to thing, I'm saying no to something else." That has helped me so much!!! Let me hear from you and what your thoughts are on guilt. Helping each other, supporting each other is an amazing gift!!

Quick update on the family: Landon is now 12 and can pass the sacrament. (Need to get him to church in time!! There's that NEED word!!) He's been a huge help to me this summer. I think he's as tall as me if not a TINY bit taller, but don't let him know I admitted that!! He is into architecture right now and is designing all kinds of interesting buildings. Grayson is still my ball of energy. He's so funny with the dogs and loves to just run circles around the house. He's had a blast playing with his cousin Pierce and going on "adventures". Mitchell has been working this summer and is enjoying having money in his pocket. We're working on the "saving" thing! He's taller than Les now! He's a senior this year and is trying to decide what college he wants to go to next year as he prepares for his mission. He has his drivers permit so we're practicing pretty frequently. The roads here are crazy and windy. That makes him nervous. I've learned to direct with a calm voice. Applause in warranted!! Les is busy doing server stuff, working on a non-profit idea with his best friend and working at Greenbrier with me. I love having him there. The puppies are 8 months old and weigh 80 lbs!! I have consigned then to the garage and the yard after my coffee table was eaten (no, really, it was eaten!!) and the smell of dog overwhelmed me. I am much happier now and Les gets to keep his dogs. I'm busy at the Greenbrier Academy. I'm the Director of Student Life and that keeps me hopping. I'm also in charge of the kitchen there. I do Fearless Living Groups three times a week with the girls and have loved evolving that for teenagers. I'm working hard on my coaching program and am finding my balance in this life I'm choosing.

My intention is to post once a week with a new subject for us to discuss or think about and an update of my family. Pictures are coming soon!!